﻿Expeditionary Force Needed – Two of Them 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Phony idealism shall play no part in these proposals. 
Now that the draft of manpower to defend the United States is all but an accomplished fact, I think it would be timely to inaugurate a secondary draft of manpower to defend Britain—in case she calls for men and women. 

Reasonably, it will not do to send Polish over there, whose hearts are split between Warsaw and Washington. Swedes whose hearts are vibrating: between Stockholm and Minneapolis, are disqualified without further music. Any other nationality whose heart won’t stay put and bounce from here to there are disqualified by these presents, except the pro-British. We want men and women a part of whose heart resides in Liverpool and London. 
Inasmuch as England appears to be getting the worst of it, these matters are urgent. 
Let the United States Senate demand a list of names of the pro-British, and the groundwork for the secondany draft is practically set. (Precedent: Coudert, New York City, demanded a list of names of the Teachers Union members.) If it be unconstitutional, Congress is in session. 
It might be necessary to redraft some pro-British from the regular defense army of the United States and induct them into the pro-British army. 
If it so be that some have labored for Bundles for Britain under a mis-apprehension or for publicity’s sake, no exception should be made—for if you except one, you’ll have the whole mob hollering their “heart beats only for Uncle Sam.” Only “defense” of Britain is considered. Conquering heroes can wait. 

After laboring heart and soul for Bundles for Britain, it would be dis-ingenious to deny them the privilege of battling for Britain—in case Britain calls. 
We have in Congress 250 all-out for Britain Congressmen that would make ideal commanders for the pro-British Expeditionary Force. None of them would bat an eye at the honor, and we could probably muddle along without their valued aid. 

We could send the expeditionary force out in style in some of our best cruisers. What if we do lose a few cruisers? Our duty shall have been done. 
But if it be that an unpredictable malady suddenly attacks our Congressmen (feet get cold, you know, up to the knees, or something like that) we are not yet stuck—we can turn to the literary field. Bobby Sherwood would make a nice General. Major General Walter Lippman, looks all right. General Johnson goes without question. Dorothy Thompson will get a haircut and I’ll lend her a pair of my pants; and she can go as Chief Liason Officer, until I pick out a better rating. 

Even if this fails and they all dodge their responsibilties and permit poor England to suffer a defeat, we can turn to Hollywood. Ah, Hollywood! with a heart split down the center, like a rabbit’s mouth. Let’s talk no more. I hereby release Hollywood from all picture requirements, and they can all become Corporals, Sergeants, Brigadiers, Lieuts, Majors, Captains, Generals, Colonels and what have you. 
(Maybe these ratings ain’t quite in order but, what the hell, Hollywood itself will be a little mixed.) 
And if worse comes to worst, like it always does, we can always get Walter Winchll (How are you, General?); no honor like that ever stared him starkly in the face before. 
NOTE: After the American Pro-British Expeditionary Force has stopped Hitler in his tracks, and he begins to lose battles, I shall ask the United States Congress to round up a Pro-German Expeditionary Force to even the thing up. I don’t want to see a perfectly good war die of lassitude; not so long as a single pro-foreigner stands in American shoeleather. 
Of course, fellow workers, I am a pure-blooded pro-Ameridan, or I wouldn’t bother about trying to organize the IWW. 

The mere fact that nine million unemployed workers can now bum the war material workers, is not proof that we have experienced recovery, or even relief; and the mere fact that another million can bum their girlfriend workers as they pile out from the industries on payday, does not convince us that prosperity has arrived. 

Business indices are way up in “G.” Porkchops are 29 cents a pound. Stockmarket continues to drop lower and lower. 
Can it be that Wall Street realizes that post-war slump cannot be revived with pre-war expenditures? We can take the slump for granted, but it may be a gradual fadeout rather than a sudden knock-out.