﻿Take Football Seriously, End Unemployment 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Well anyhow, we got 377 Army Reserve officers to protect us in our struggle for biscuits. 
Propaganda (London): Fifty Germans were removed from sunken submarine (no name) off Goodwin Sands. (Note: Sunken, nameless submarines do not drift ashore in Kent.) If this be so then the “Thetis” and our own “Squalus” would have come ashore for the delightful Old Overholt. 

I may be called a poltroon, but can see right now that those Washington whipper-snappers, crack-the-whippers, and whipper-uppers ain’t going to do anything about unemployment unless it is hooked up with something patriotic. 
Therefore, I, the noble T-Bone Slim, suggest as a starter that every Notre Dame football game be declared a national holiday. Bime-by employment will catch up with the people, or else we’ll make national heroes of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Recovery prospect is pretty much all wind, like the present propaganda blasts of the defenseless radio. 

England was peddling so many leaflets over Ger-many that it finally got Hitler’s goat and he chopped out wood pulp from the Scandinavian countries. Price of snuff is going to soar. 

“Butch” La Guardia wants to bring Hollywood to New York. If it’s lips you want, why not start a rhinosceros farm? 
Five hundred sixty-three names out of 1,000,000 public servants were found on “league” lists by “Tex” Dies. 
Pooh, pooh, I’ve had a bigger percentage of bugs in egg-noodle soup and still I eat soup, in a pinch. 

Years and years after a disaster, when the sorrow is somewhat worn off, it is fun to read the history of that great cataclysm. 
Sayeth Herbert Hoover, anent whether or not we take part in the present European war: 
“We face a further quarter century of difficulty,” and if we do participate “we can expect another quarter of a century of impoverishment.” 
What is a mere quarter of a century? Spend 21 years first healing the war wounds—yards and yards of court plaster—then spend a quarter of a century in trying to get our heads above water. That’s only 46 years. Much of our life is still left. 
Mebbe, however, we should join the IWW for, it seems to me, little as 46 years is, the warmakers are getting altogether too liberal with our years. 
USA seems to have plenty time for planned militarism (industria mobilization) but has little time indeed for planned economy (peace). 

Cooperative movements have been somewhat successful in Finland and other countries of the Northern Star and may have caused a modicum of jealousy in other lands less steadfast of purpose. This, however, should not be considered a blank O. K. for the cooperative movement as such, inasmuch as cooperation is successful only where the people have a healthy regard for honesty and solidarity. 
By the same token, such cooperation should not be wrecked just because it is successful but, rather, it should be retained as a model to shoot at. 
Leningrad needs no defense; she should be the defense of that part of Russia. Sour grapes should play no part in world diplomacy—neither should fear or greed. either 
They’ve been trying to wish Lindbergh on Germany.—Look at the map. Same men, were Washington alive, would wish him on Lucifer or take a day off to crucify Christ. The world’s heart belongs to Russia and England.—Look at the map. 

Poverty stricken Toledo, Ohio has gone into the business of catching spies and saboteurs; $500 for a spy and $25 for a saboteur. It is expected that the tories will shortly have all opponents in jail. 
Well anyhow, now we’ve got to rush 300 miles to sea to. rescue British freighters. It might have been better if the rule was: All freighters must be sunk no more than 15 miles out. (A man might be able to swim that far.) 
Let us not send any fishbait to these wars—the water is icy cold. 
The embargo repeal, of course, sets a precedent something like an icicle down the back of the neck or a redhot rivet in the best bottle pocket. So we might as well start teaching our over-sea force to swim World War itself was propaganda. It was strictly war of Europeans’ buttinskis and kibitzers—so is this one. All it needs is fighters. 
We’re having a hell of a time keeping our boys off the battlefields—maybe the sub commanders will fulfill our prayer? 

God’s honest fact—1500 population and no horse thieves. Parties running for office in this burg, Crown, Point, N. Y., are as follows, left to right: Republican, Democrat, American Labor, People’s Citizens’ Taxpayers’ Square Deal and Independent Voters. Many of the boys and girls have no party of their own so it is expected, they will have to either use one of these or throw their vote away on the Bund, Communism, or D. C. (Dies Committee). 
Aluminum trust outlasted Sen. Tom Walsh; it outlasted 40 or 50 of the star witnesses and it is “by the skin of its teeth” the USA hopes to outlast the Aluminum trust, an economic autocracy.
