﻿Better Keep Our Ham and Eggs at Home 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Cost of living is up to 30 per cent since the European war started. Profiteers got off on the right foot so’s to be on he safe side early. Contrary to all “hyping” butter is 49 cents, same as eggs—to stay up and go higher. Haven’t hear of anybody trying to get that “increase” back excent the MTW of the IWW. 
The increase in cost of living was introduced because business believed the warring nations would love to grease their whiskers with butter. In the meantime we peace lovers can eat our vitamins in horse fodder. Oats and alfalfa are still reasonable. 

England’s shipping is shot to a watery grave, but thank God, who also is British, we are building merchantmen hand over fist and Britain can buy them from us for the price of scrap iron (as Leviathan) for, as the Daily News says, we are pro-British 90 per cent “in sentiment.” 
If n be true that we are 90 per cent British in our aches and pains, then it must be Journalism’s heart lies over there also? 

Ocean travel is slowing down to the days of 1739. Thirty days ago our nationals in Europe were told to get out and we haven’t repatriated them yet. Is it because we have no bottoms, or are we waiting incidents? Since then Hitler went as far as Poland twice and I myseld made Port Reading twice. I understand O’Brien Bros. Inc., is considering the sending of their “man-of-war,” the Welding Light, over there to fetch back our natives. 

The only engagement Britain has won so far is the American press. I suppose she will do better after her armies return from Hollywood. If she ever gets in a real tight pinch we will immediately send over the Salvation Army to pass out doughnuts and take up a collection. Owing to the similarity of the racket to that of machineguns, cymbals and tambourines shall be forbidden. We don’t want to make our cousins nervous. 

“Japan Invites Allies’ Troops of Quit China.” Can you imagine? Such politeness! Almost as polite as a “town down” when he tells a worker “the next town is a good deal better than this.” 
Poland believed Britain and France and now it looks as if Britain and France are going to start believing themselves. I most sincerely hope they don’t. 
France is fighting over the bleached bones of the Versailles treaty; England is in it because of the decrease in South American trade, her score is 12 per cent. Both Germany and America rate higher. USA share is 30-35 per cent. We can well afford to sell South America and buy Great Britain—act as front for John Bull. 

ash and Carry is not an airtight neutrality. Our present neutrality is not airtight. The only airtight neutrality that will work is embargo in all trade with Europe, regardless of race creed or color. 
Then, if our businessmen cannot make a living in this land of ours let us for cripes sakes give them passports to the land of their choice. In other words, no two ends against the middle and let our economy have surcease from their periodic disturbances, disruptions and disarrayments. 
You cannot put your house in order so long as disorganizers are present.