﻿When Privates Fight War by Telephone 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Work Peoples College as of Duluth, Minn. is a necessity because of too much knowledge rather the dearth of it, and because extent of knowledge in such stintless quantities is of little use in every day walks of life or service. 
Chock-a-block full of theoretical knowledge, the old as well as the young are ruined each time they try to begin the practical experiences to which all mankind is heir. Philosophy descends upon them like a multicolored fog, facts of life are obliterated and they walk in a circle, always arriving back at the point from whence they started. 
In their modest role of acting they have no use for such collosal information, and must of needs forget most of it in the interest of making room for the practical phases of the every-day life. 
It is here that Work Peoples College is a great help to all those in need of exact knowledge based on practical experience. 
Other and numerous reasons present themselves to the same end––one of those is: dispetic leadership that has lost its smile and can see only the monstrous. In this latter case a working class education resolves itself into a means of self-preservation from uniform and universal destruction. 
Spend your vacation at Work Peoples College next winter.  
No ‘Isms’ Allowed 
No German Flag at Recent championship tennis tournament. USA. This proves that the small section of America known as “sport-minded” are allee samee imperialistic minded.  
Note: Imperial-ISM is taboo here. 
In the Beginning  
In the beginning there was war. 
Oracles got up on their hind legs and shouted: “Lookit ‘em! Lookit ‘em! Those Phoenicians are eating all our ostrich eggs in the deserts and pulling up our mushrooms in the caves!” 
So out they went, all God’s children, hell-bent for election, and when they got through with the Phoenicians there were less mouths to forage for on both sides, and plenty of crowbait lying around. 
Then, as now, it was maldistribution––want. A condition of HAVES and HAVES-NOTS. After the war the HAVES still had and the HAVE-NOTS were dead––on both sides. 
“Half nuts,” did you say? Shame on you!  
Safety for War Makers 
In recent days war-mongers have perfected the instruments of destruction: TNT, GAS, GERMS, etc. Civilization died young and war-mongers are crying bitterly against indiscriminate air-bombing of civilians––”the children,” they scream. They want to go out and play with the children while the working classes are popping-off one another. Isn’t humanity grand? 
Great big pot-bellied child of 50 or better prancing around the maypole to the delight of the coming generation when along comes a prower-plane and drops a pineapple in his coat pocket. 
Time to Shift Bases 
 I see where Ikes has a book “The Integrity of the Press.” No punches pulled. (Soon as I get my clothes patched, I’m off for Patagonia in a rowboat). 
To the Last Man 
Recent despatch says “several persons were killed when an airplane bombed a boyscout camp.” 
What were the persons doing in a boyscout camp? It is believed that hereafter bomber pilots will see to it that no persons are present when they bomb the boyscouts. It’s getting so that a cold-footed diplomat or propaganda minister isn’t safe any place any more. Nowhere can they throw out their chests and roar: 
“Remember, children, we are behind you to the last man!” 
Even Hitler felt safer among the bayonets. That reminds me, the SS Bremen did not seem to have confidence in our protestations of hospitality and sailed, light, for an unnamed. neutral port. 
Privates Take Note 
Exploiters of labor never come into personal contact with war; neither class war or wars between nations. They flee the war zones. Their commercial carcasses are too valuable, indeed, (to them) to risk in such unseemly proceedings. I have in mind several generations of financial glamour boys that never wore a uniform. 
In this later and more enlightened day even generals are not obligated to enter dangerous zones––they can get their information over wires or by wireless and despatch their orders in the same way; devoid of information, they can “fly it blind” according to prearranged plans and blueprints. 
When the privates learn to do all their fighting over phones and wireless, the millenium will have been reached. 
They Don’t Count 
Contrary to common conception, the forgotten nine-tenths of the unemployed that did not receive an even break in the consideration of the security nabobs, are not now believers in the ballyhooed fairness of relief. The remembered one-tenth of the working class––checkers, Ferdinand-the-bull, and case workers––that DID get the best “break” of their sterile lives, are now staunch defenders of the parasites’ system as it is. 
But they are only a scant tenth of the unemployed working class, and do not rate higher than driver, bull-cook, or straw-boss. 
Qualifications 
Even messenger boys wear uniforms but I have yet to hear of a Wall Street glamour boy togged-up for war. I have yet to hear of a war-declaring congress being shipped to the front lines. Oh, no, the soldiers come from Hood’s Canal and Polson’s. Other peoples’ stamina, life and blood is sacrificed.