﻿Where Lies Safety? 

By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Lies, Lies, Lies––? 
Ten perished in Pathe Film fire; 9 “check-out” in Auburn prisoners’ revolt––peace hath its casualties no less than war.  
The several that didn’t scorched, toasted, broiled, baked or roasted in the film fire got their picture in the papers . . . 
Now let us see the picture of 1600 odd prisoners that didn’t get so much as a scratch in the “riot” at Auburn . . . 
Deucedly unsafe to be an actor. 
Imprisonment too has its drawbacks. Guess 1811 look for a job handling nitroglycerine or teaching rattlesnakes to do the hula-hula.  
Man isn’t safe no more, nowhere! I expect to see the “Peace” commission warm up words and cut each other’s throat––in the near future. 
Unless a man is too skilful, self-destruction appears to be the safest occupation. 
Even admitting that many of the actors were “ham” that doesn’t signify the “death public” prefers it’s actors fried. Every man to his taste however, frinstance parboiled, raw or dessicated.  
It’s now up to the actors––the law already recognizes them a poor fuel and says “burn no actors except when protected by automatic sprinklers”––some consolation––it’s now up to the actors. 
Why not join the I. W. W. and smoke out a few of those stinkers that benefit––yea, unto the millions––from your singes and jeopardize of your deah, deah public?  
Haiti: Twenty marines fired 250 shots and hit three people among the hundreds present––not bad at all for peace-time markmanship but, nevertheless, the fire hazards of the flaming still hold a high percentage in the column of risks.  
Even had there been only three people on the island and our brave marines turned in a perfect score, the 250 bullets is quite a lot of lead and augurs well for the general safety and well being of the Haitians––for I reason that if a man successfully dodges 83 bullets he’s got no kick coming if the odd one-third of a bullet punctures his expectancy of life and lays him ‘longside the immortals––afar more glorious death than being burnt alive by the film companies. 
But what of it? What am I beefing about? 
What’s my argument?  
My argument is that those film fires are the “old form of fun,” most thoroughly and unneccessary cruel––death comes too slowly––and if I had my pick as between laying my life on the altar pyre of pictures or electrocution, I would select the chair (even if denied chloroform) laugh that off.  
One of those deaths is in retaliation, for something or other: preconceived, intentional, sudden and complete (even without chloroform or laughing gas.) 
The other is unintentional, accidental (coupled to neglect) leisurely, a condition of dying by inches.  
One a death from shock!  
The other a bed of pain! 
Well, what of it? 
Who cares? 
Death in the chair is an act of war. 
Death in the pure is an act, tho indirect, of the same war––the classes at struggle. 
What of it? 
Nothing much, only, the out and out, direct, war “tax”is a pretty peaceful performance compared to the “accidents” of camouflaged peace. 
Both are preventable––if desired; lest death be a pleasure––a major amusement.  
The folks can have anything they want––if they have something that harmonizes not with their heart’s desire, it was conferred upon them without consulation––if it offends their spleen they can “scrap” it. 
Point is: they can get what they want.  
Spurious hundred dollar bills are in circulation. Let ‘em circle––it worries me none! A cold sweat strikes me only when they counterfeit quarters and dimes. 

All undred dollar bills look spurious to me––I have no doubt. One of ‘em should be put on exhibition so the millions of workers could see one and mebbe be encouraged to put in a few extra hard licks of hard labor while under its spell, in Satan’s name.  
No, fellow workers: what’s the use of lying about it? You know damned well that you never saw a hundred at one look to say nothing about a bill of that description––why? I, myself, as highly learned as I am, never studied any further than twenty––and decimals. 
P. S. I’ll modify a part of that “snapper”: you saw a hundred all right––pennies.