﻿BONEYARD
By T-bone Slim

“Premier Baldwin Nominates . Self as Loneliest Man.” Headline.—Here may be a misprint.—
Can it be the polite “linotyper” substituted “Loneliest” for Homeliest—some more British propaganda?
In. Re. Sir Sam Hoare and wife flight to Delhi, Asia, (per Brisbane) “Lady Hoare said it was a comfortable trip and she could use her powderpuff very nicely in flight.”—
Art, Art. O why didn’t you say the Lady Hoare found it necessary to use a powder puff repeatedly e’re herdainty slippers found solid bottom—good thing you quoted her—neither you nor I are obliged to believe her version . . . 
Show us the puff—we want to see if we can’t squeese a few tears out of it.
And since Baldwin has elected himself “Loneliest Man”, let us hope and pray he doesn’t mean to the Point of Obscurity.
O wot a relief!

Sonic of the old timers still can remember our war with Nicaragua—that is, upon the occasion of our brave boys and courageous marines perfecting American property and country-men yesterday—in a fashion obsoletely necessary because there in Nicaragua is possibility of a canal short-cut from Frisco to Connecticut, suburb of N. Y. City—the lives of our exiles must be protected and the namesake of Maple-Flakes manufacturer is just the man to do it being no longer a lame-duck. (His name I forget).
Brains! Nothing else but.
But if it so do happen that this astute diplomacy makes it unsafe for a “blue bellied yankee” to “light” in Latin America, think ye, o Ieavnt statesmen, that we can enforce our presence upon them any better than we enforced cukkoo-cool-ah upon our thirsty brethern?
“Thirsty days has September, April June and November” . . .
Roy Ka Moul[t]ou, the skinny author of “This Sluggish World,” in N. Y. American is an absolutely fair man—he’d give the devil his dues.
Says he, in regards Crown Prince. Carol of Roumania being led into compromising relationship with Mille. What’s—her—name:
“So far as; royal blood is concerned, we are almost thankful to worry along and be ruled by Wayne B. Wheeler.”—Thanks.