﻿BONEYARD
By T-BONE SLIM.

By T-BONE SLIM

Men are disinclined to embrace a complicated proposition — not because of ignorance or lack of grasp but because of disinclination.
Ego has no bearing on the case and causes in them no desire to conquer. (Egotists are few and poisonous.) —Hence, would an industrial union be entirely successful, it must needs have fewest possible parts, arranged in the simplest manner—its language short and snappy; its laws far apart. Recruiting Unions, further, must be the easiest to grasp and, like industrial unions, must depend more and more on the idea on industrial unionism for results—fine feathers make poor rib-roasts.
Should a union be overly burdened with trappings, rusty nails, burnt battries, dull saws, junk, rubbish, etc., it can remedy than condition each spring by doing a little housecleaning on its neck, hands and face (instead of putting it in evidence as a virtue) — and approach the world unencumbered. Relieve me; such trappings, be they few or many, will not drop -off of their own accord but will remain a surplusage to the end.
Yes, I firmly believe and solemnly swear, the Industrial Unions are carrying too much rigging and delegates not enough—our rigging is in the wrong place.
And, if you want my opinion as a God-fearing seaman, We’ll have to put our stern over or the yacht will capsize and, drown the cat—just like that. ——
P. S. (meaning pointed sport): Tris Speaker, Ty Cobb, Collins and—and Rowland will have one of th e greatest ballyears of their careers—due to the fat they lost during the investigation of the alleged putrefaction: past, present and prospective last winter—hence I think it advisable for the I. W. W. to kinda pull themselves together, increase their purchasing power, and “take on” a few of those elecmosynary struggles. . . .
Mebbe we could learn teamwork!
NOTE: This P. S. hooks up with what went before — otherwise I wouldn’t write it and ye editor wouldn’t print it—that’s the kind o’ guys we are! 
(Read first line over again).

*Eleemosynary Is pronounced: Elimousinerie — accent on the gas.
P. S. No. II: “Candid Edward” Payne has told you, mimic the polly (politician) and you’ll be a parrot— and I agree with his findings.
We have shifted from foot to foot and failed to find comfort—we have shifted so often that I defy all the prophets to even guess what we’ll do next—and, we’ll do if—but the funny part is not one of our shifts was compulsory. We simply shifted for change of scenery like matrons are apt to do on moving day. . . One more shift can’t harm us—what if it does?—and then, there’s always a chance ‘twill do us good.
One thing is certain: a shifty person is hard to “paste.”
Compulsory: A quarterly compulsory assessment, say, of $1 is not a compulsory stamp at all—it merely changes the dues from $12 to $16 a year.
Let’s invent a new word that denotes our well known and habitual slavery. Courage, fellow workers, let’s flirt a while longer with the charming word compulsory and then let our next shift be: standing on our head, to rest our feet.
Pure humor, gents — sourcasm is dead.