﻿Insofar as Senator Heflin yawned and fell asleep, looking over (overlooking) Army intelligent test No. 8, I will rub my eyes and proceed to answer the multitude of sins: —
America was discovered by Henry Ford in Detroit, Michigan—he put wheels under it and forever established the gospel of the saying, “Distance lends enchantment to the love-scene.” , . .
Pinochle isn’t played with rackets, pins or dice, but by a bunch of pin-heads, wearing dice, with cards and much racket, crookedness and stub lead pencils—when they ought to be earning the living they get . . . (space forbids!)
Wyandotte isn’t a horse. King of Skandia, cattle, fowl or granite—it’s a county in Kansas.
The United States school for officers isn’t .. . (We don’t need one. They know it all—that’s where this test comes from!)
The Guernsey isn’t a cow, sheep, goat or mule—it’s either a hog or a new type sailor’s uniform.
Salsify? Name of a bungaloo at Oyster Peninsula.
Coral is obtained from ex-volcanoes, not from mines, clamshells or ball-players—ivory is different again—. It comes from Cincinnati—Proctor and Gamble, you know—a soap sir, colonel.
Emerald is red, blue, green—never yellow—one of the chief props of the British Empire.
Maize? Generally an Irish sweetheart of Cracker Jack.
Velvet Joe: America’s leading poet.
Cypress? Afro-American cedar.
Bombay? Abdomen of our leading citizens.
Pancreas? A town in South America. (China, Egypt, India and Japan gets honorable mention—I’ve got to learn to spell their honorable names.)
Cheviot? (Absolutely refuse to answer this question—will not bare my whole life. Army is unfair in asking me to.)
Gretna Green? Now had this question been:
Beans? A regular army diet (See how I respond to kindness?)
Larceny? An invention of one Mr. Larsen
Battle of Gettysburg Wasn’t fought in 1863, 1813, 1778 nor 1812—it was fought in Pennsylvania—in fact at Gettysburg.
The Bassoon? Another name for mythical Gabriel’s mysterious horn—hasn’t been blown yet.
Turpentine comes from drugstores and, no doubt, has everything in it that can’t be sold for more—hard to tell whether its lumber, oil, skins or TNT.
The number of a Zulu’s legs is 1½, un- less you count crutches.
The Scimitar,—ah, attaboy! A scimitar is a left-handed snickersnee.
Author of The Raven? (Unfair, unfair!) We’re not boosting struggling authors like Stevenson, Hawthorne and Kipling. Unfair question.
Spare may be a term used in bowling but we rather feel that it is either an accessory to automobiles or an accessory to ribs and cabbage.
Six sided figure, (six faced) ah, that must be one of those diplomatic figures that “have nothing to say” until after they hear the evidence.
Ampere? theoretical measure of juice volume.
Mauve? (We’re not French, but we’ll answer.) It’s not dry goods, peanuts, pop,—color?—Gosh, zat’s wot it ces; a tint; pinky; purply; a scene.
Stanchion? Used in fishing—something the fishermen slide down to regain control of their corkscrew from the hold of a smack.
Mica is mineral oil wagon grease.
(Now the last question—mebbe)
Scrooge appears in Vanity Fair, The Christmas Carol, Romola, Henry IV—we don’t know. We never read those True Compassion stories or Classic Smutt. We content ourselves with such light matter as College Humor, and sincerely do we weep at their best jokes—we don’t know.
Believe me, I’m not kidding like college breds are prone to do—I’m in earnest. I’ve done my best.