﻿BONEYARD 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
Catastrophe: 
George Bernard Shaw is an innocent victim of a terrible tragedy. He’s shackled with a Nobel Prize. He’s crippled for life. 
Why do they “pick” on an old man? Why don’t they let him finish his outspoken career? 

Muzzle ‘em ain’t been shot at to-day. 
The first whiff’s of Shaw’s misfortune had no more than “took the air” when Balfour jumps into the “breech” and starts talking about equality and cooperation (as among the dumb-minions). 

It develops the kaiser has been over-abused as miscreant––didn’t he just now get out of bed with rheumatism? 
Why, that man’s human, that’s wot! 
Nobel Prize Shaw comes out in favor of “every schoolma’am having a baby.–– “ 
Careful there, George, a man of your age . . . that is, I agree with Mr. Shaw (in the essentials, of course). It’s all right with me––but wot does Heywould Broun say? 

The fickle press after deserting the Peaches-Browning romance in favor of Hall-Mills murder trial announces that “In some quarters the accusation is voiced that the alleged Mexican movement has for its purpose the establishment of a Bolshevist authority in Mexico, thus placing a barrier in the way of American protection of the Panama Canal.” (And Camel Cigarettes).–– 
I see. Would the press mind telling us in what “quarters” it was “voiced? Was it the hind quarters and was it a horse? 
Back to Peaches Browning and Pig Woman! 
Well, it’s bedtime––1:35 A. M.–– Thanksgiving morn. When we wake up we shall open that tin of sardines for dinner, praise the Lord! 
P. S.––What happens when strengthless body meets a weightless load. That’s too deep for me, but I can tell why easy-chairs have springs: Contrary to common belief that springs are put in to receive you gently, they’re there to give you a start when you want to get up.––See how easy it is to decipher the most mysterious sorcery? 
The principle is “hurry-up, Lucas.”