﻿BONEYARD 
By T-BONE SLIM 
 
A scientific gentleman has [unlcear]ered that each person has two [unlcear]—one of them located sourh[unlcear] the liver in the solar plexus [unlcear]. The scientist neglected to pro[unlcear] so I, having nothing to do, will [unlcear] deavor to, and do prove the [unlcear]ence of two brains, in good [unlcear]ing order, in each one headed [unlcear]. 
Now, just suppose—just [unlcear] that you are riding in a [unlcear] coach, your back broke in two [unlcear] sitting in one of those [unlcear] jackets used for a seat—[unlcear] your eyes in desperation up to [unlcear] heaven and your eye lights [unlcear] your knap-sack that you carry [unlcear] for just this kind of an emerg[ency]. You pull it down from the [unlcear]. You plave it next to the win[unlcear]. You take off your coat, dou[unlcear] for pillow and lay it on the [win]dow sill. You turn sideways [unlcear] seat, raise your feet and poke [unlcear]through the arm of the seat [unlcear]the aisle, heave a sigh of [unlcear] a prayer, and go to sleep. 
All that was accomplished [unlcear] use of the brain in the upper [unlcear]—top floor. All of a sudden [the] train hits a curve, leaves the [unlcear] (as a result of bum tamping [unlcear] by the milkers employed by [the] company). My God! The tra[in is] tipping over! It is going ov[er] the side on which your head [unlcear]. It looks bad. Your feet are higher than your head. Gee whiz. Train runs smoothly a moment—you seat [unlcear] to float. 
Bang! There’s a sudden jar. [unlcear] truck of car has struck a rock. [unlcear] suddenly jerks to left. You [unlcear] to right. Your head goes th[unlcear] the window and is clipped off [unlcear] clean. 
All that happened so quickly [that] you had to finish you thinking [with] your stomach. 
FURNISHED ROOMS 
Thirsty-sixth St., 7th Ave., (ho[unlcear][New] York)—Single rooms, with running water, $14 per week. With private bath, $18; Large outside [unlcear] rooms, with running water, for [unlcear] persons, $21 per week; with [unlcear] p[rivate] bath, $25. 
What wages do you get? 
“Ah, but I can get cheaper room than that.” 
So you can—they expect you [to] live like a hog. 
How about demanding and getting the best? 
No? 
Yeas? 
What am I offered? 

Anent starchless collars, “trade comment points to growing sanity of American males.” 
Years ago the stiff collar was considered an accessory to respectability—even I, T-Bone Slim, would [unlcear] such two bladed choker, and sit for hours in front of a mirror and just respect and respect myself. 
Paper opines the change from collars with tarch attached to collars with starct detached and shirts attached “amounts to a revolution.” 
Huh! Let’s see. 
In the first place, isn’t it possible that soft shirts do not indicate sanity; that laundry bills drove men crazy and caused them and collars to lay down? If so, the move certainly isn’t a revolution! 
Merely a full retreat—rout! 
“In Remembrance of Officers and Men of the Merchant, Marine Who, in the World War of 1914-1918, Without Fervor of Battle or Privilege of Fame Went Down to the Sea and Endured All Things.”— 
You said it; they endured all things. They did more. 
They stood for EVERYTHING—aye, like a sheep in the hands of a Receiver. 

Bum health, editor, bum health.