﻿LIGHT LUNCHES 
 
Considerable consideration is given in South Dakota to “the prohibition of the use of automobiles” in the night time, because of a general crop failure. It is argued that the headlights of cars dazzle the rabbits and partly blind them . . . with the result that highways are strewn with dead rabbits—thereby endangering the state’s good supply. 

A failure to “appreciate” our Will Rogers (by the British audience) in London Pavilion would have been considered tantamount to open hostility and an overt act or overtact. Our T-bone Slim already was mobilizing himself for a prolonged struggle. 

We are greatly concerned because the “Fedora” Government is running ten poisoning plants in New York City for the purpose of poisoning grain alcohol, incidentally, its users. Seems to me a death sentence is rather severe punishment for the crime of belly-ache. 
(This may or may not account for Will Rogers’ prolonged stay on the tight little isle—and, mebbe, the rest of us better take a trip across, also.) 
If this keeps up—if this keeps up, individual “stills” of personality will be all the rage and we, US, will be the world’s mightiest race of moonshiners—distinctive. 
At last we will be “somebody!” 
We, of course, do not believe that the poisoning plants were started for the purpose of throwing “public” opinion in favor of the “wets.” How the officials feel about it is another matter and they may be equal to explaining their action without feeling uncomfortable. 
Be that as it may, I wouldn’t touch upon it were it not a sample of beautiful politics.  
Further, we have been able to observe that we cannot get so much as a lemon-phosphate unpoisoned. In proof we offer the ew places recently started where you can see the lemon squeezed in front of you. Why the display except to allay fears? What the phosphate is, who knows? 
That’s why I’m of the opinion that the nation will rise and superintend the manufacture of its own drinks—as well as butcher its own beef, and roll its own cigarettes. 

MARKET REPORT 
Owing to heavy rains in Youngstown, O., that flooded West Madison St (Chicago, Ill.) basements, the price of wild-oats soared to unheardof altitudes. 
At the same time wheat took a jump sideways and narrowly escaped being elevated for a rise (raise). 
On account of the heavy drouth in the Yankee Stadium (N. Y. C.) and Detroit, Mich., the loaf of bread (in the cupboard) took a decided slump for the worse. 
Owing to heavy mists and dew on the buffalo grass the price of Alfalfa dropped out of flight Al Smith’s presidential chances were improved and Oklahoma coyotes struck off a few notes of “Star Spangle Banner” in a highly artistic manner. 

PREDICTION: 
February 22, Just about the time the farmer ponders whether to plant barley or corn-flakes, the price of wheat will take a jump skyward in honor of Geo. Washington. 

“Old Father Victory” has again come to the defense of France in her hour of need. 
George Clemenceau, 85 years young, wartime premier and “Tiger,” appealed to President Coolidge “not to treat the settlement of war debts ns purely commercial matter. . .” (A plea, I presume, to give war debts the same standing as gambling I-O-U’s or saloon obligations). 
“France is not for sale, even to her friends,” he said. (Viva! and likewise Au Revoir!) 
“Independent she came to us, Independent we shall leave her.” 
Clemenceau’s words “France is not for sale” reminds me of the words of the Tokyo Kakumin. (1915) when offended by an intimation that Japan would be compensated liberally if she were to send her army to Europe: “The Mikado’s army is not for hire.” 
(Whether or no our army was liberally compensated is as yet a deep mystery to me. But, ignorant as I am. I’m inclined to think that we fought purely from charitable motives—and not like hired Hessians, Quien Sabe). 

AH, A SOLUTION ! 
One of the terribly intelligent alibiers says there never will be a shortage of food (prouounced fud) because increased profits will draw additional farmers to the soil. 
Hurroo, glory be fyther! 
Yes, and aditional farmers will cause decreased profits and push them back to moving furniture. Brainy Boys! 

Owing to barberrybush 13 states loot 50,000,000 bushels of wheat. Instructions on how to anihilate “barberry” is given John and John, the damned fool, is plowing around killing barberry thinking “he will just save additional bushels. He will. And the price of wheat will drop accordingly! Instead of killing barberry he should be studying how to make it grow—so’s to boost the price of wheat. Thanks!
