﻿T-BONE SLIM COLUMN  
 
Rhinelander, Wis, Farmer returning from fishing trip, undertaken to relieve the friday-strain on his lardier—was killed when car went into a ditch. 
The kind of bait used was not mentioned. Liquor probably played no part in the tragety insofar as the Rhinelander Moon is water-logged and tale points clearly the accident occurred as a result disordered “compas,” flow in steering apparatus rather than a situation of drowning as a result of water-logged domestic moonshine 

Driving with one hand causes most of t automobile accidents—divorce records, is offered in proof—who sa[id] marriage is a lottery? 

Hank Ford, tinkerer, of Detroit as Dearborn, says: There are 1000 opportunities for every man.— 
999 opportunities waiting for ONE job to get finished. Lots of work Henry, eh? Wot? 
“We are in the gReAt aGe of transition from the drudgery of life to the enjoyment of life.”—  
Tod true, Hank, especially the drudgery part of it—we all know that. The “enjoyment of life” is a dream. The “great age” is a lie. 
And history is punk! 
The transition is slow and backward—let us organize: 
“Man decended from Jack-ass”— I disagree—I diss-a-gree. Descend means to go “lower”—to go down. That leaves the Jackass too high. 
“Man ascented from Jack-ass.” That’s better, but I’m afraid it leaves the Jack-ass too low. 
Now, since comparisons are odious, we will say Man is a Jack-ass—— 
Mind you, i’m not “running down” man; i’m uplifting the mule. 
No, thanks, I never touch mule.— That simple tale reminds me of a headline I read somewhere In Lewd Concecssions magazine or in The Degnerated Press: 
“Boat Makes River Trip” 
Now who in the world would have suspected that a boat would make a river trip—actually float on the stream? Marvelous! (Let me [unlcear]) Wonderful! 
Fine!—But the editor should have mentioned, with great profund[ness] “The water in the river made Miracle possible.” 
I tell you the parasite editors are getting real “good”—and we [unclear] their classy stuff (as we suck our thumb) and try to look modest ([nut]ty) as possible. The tale couldn’t been a gripper, except he told, Fish Makes River Trip and caused River to Fall three inches as a result of bubbles exploding behind the stardy strokes of its tale. . . . Wonderful! 

Periodically the state of Massaehusetts brings Sacco and Vanzetti out to be executed. 
But each time she has done so she’s been interrupted by the people watching her. 
Again, and for the ‘steenth time, Sacco and Vanzetti have been hid away to await the “forgetfulness” of the people. 
Vain hope! 
Massachusetts ain’t you ashamed of yourself? 
You bounded Wendel Philips and Garrson—will you continue to h[ound] your betters! —T-b S.