﻿T-BONE SLIM DISCUSSES FITNESS OF THINGS 
 
“Hyperbole,” sometimes pronounced hyperbull or superbull, cam be abreviated to just plain “bull”—in the interest of clarity. 
It has no roots that I can find—but will have if the spreader don’t break down. Great language! 

“Machine guns should not be sold expect on permits issued by military authorities or the police.”—N. Y. SUN. 
I am glad to SEE the SUN cla[unlcear] the military authorities on a basis of equality with the police—glad indeed—for, true it is, when either one of them raps you over the head and cracks yoyr strike, you can’t tell which is which and who is who—at least not until the stars quit acting like excited comets. Even then your first question is, “Was he in uniform?” 

The Washington Irving, a palatial pleasure boat and passenger liner, lies at the bottom of the “Hudson” river. 
It ran foul of an oil barge, in a fog—and the hard-working, humble barge punched a hole in Irving’s ebaneled and arrogant wearing-streak. . . . 
Of all the women aboard, only one asserted her rights and fainted.—The men—ah, the men—that wear the exposed pants—they were as excited as an ironworker with a red-hot rivet in his trousers. 

From this it would appear that barges still have some certain rights that will be respected in New York Harbor. 
Note: A barge is about as big as three cigarboxes—the gigantic transatlantic liners are as big as three barges—the Atlantic is big enough to sink 37,000,000½ of ‘em. 
News item: Ocean transportaton has gone back to one wave-length vessels, with four tubes—I mean funnels (smokestacks, on the Lakes). Just like Farmer John: You know, John now has the narrow gauge separator-of-individuality—one tube. Owing to the prohibitive prices of the sheet-metalwares such as sardine tins, etc., the time is fast approaching when the ocean liners will have to be kept in cotton battin’ and docks will be cushioned like billiarc tables. 

Money is getting tight in New s York—Bronx bandits get only $500. 

Startled, we climb to a point of information! Is president “Calles” pronounced “Kelly”? 

Every ordinary man needs eight hours of sleep, and if any part of that is used in working overtime, “his” health is injured—mebbe permanently—and an injury to one . . . etc. 
“Stribling was a trifle fine at 171 pounds. Berlenback never looked better at 714½, exactly one-half a pound below the weight required.”—New York JOURNAL. 
Why comment? Figures don’t fib. 

“Editor In Bankrupcy Quizzed By U. S. Court.”—Headline. 
Gosh! S’posin’ it had been Bunkrapture! 

Much has been said about the benefits of military training — and I guess it’s so: 
They take a young man (young men are less apt to have rheumatism) and have him run the gauntlet of three or seven sets of doctors—(more or less rational and able to see) and, if the young man passes all those doctors and they can’t find a thing the matter with him, then military training stops in and benefits him—just how, I’m not prepared to say. 

“Two can live as ‘cheap’ as one.” Many find it hard to believe that, and for that reason refuse to “pair” their livelihood. Unworthy doubts! 
That above phenomenigma, can be readily understood when it is remembered that since “one” doesn’t get enough to live on, how could the living cost of “two” increase his expenses? Impossible! 
(Above optimistikate words were written because my friends have a habit of figuring the cost of two lives according to current price-lists of the mercantile (smirk and smile) outfits—’way up into high finance. It is my earnest and fervent and hectic hope that my friends will cease to dwell in that strange world of figures. Come down to earth and calculate on things as they really have.
