﻿T-BONE SLIM DISCUSSES SOME THINKS 
 
It’s the “old nuts” and not the children that should be allowed to retain their illusions; including those about Santa Claus. — A deserted 80-man camp makes a fairly good batching place for two or three men. 

Lo, these many moons many of us, as individuals, have been “on the bum.” But now, lookit, we have company. Whole nations over in Europe are “begging lumps,” so’s to say. Thirty years ago “the bum” was unknown. World sure do progress. Something seems to tell me the winter is over with; that I’ve got her beat . . . . but believe me, she was a long one. 

Mixing pleasure with pleasure is like taking a bite from two “bismarcks” ‘alternatively’; a superficial performance. But those that went to Palm Beach seem to have mixed oil and legislation with prohibition— prohibition, the kind that comes in quart pokes. 

We note: Some of our members are going in for greater entertainment. Well and good, but let me point out that if a shimmy is a dance then a full-souled-shiver is a 100-yard dash. 
We note: Some of our most intelligent members are unable to make themselves heard, at times. How it must ‘rile’ a man when he can’t holler as loud as a locomotive. 

How to care for a husband (advice to the loveshorn) : Give him plenty to eat — you can’t overdo it— if he doesn’t bring home enough money to make this possible go to work yourself. Take in washing — shoplifting is too risky and against the law besides. 

Lefthand Economics: The value of money is determined by the amount of time it takes to spend it Likewise, the value of time is determined by the size of the roll you spent. —Carlos Marx aint got anything on us.— Don’t spit on the track, to do so may spread the rails . . . . 
“Tamp, tamp, tamp keep on a-tamping” 
That is all you’ve got to do— 
If you straighten up your back 
You’ll be started down the track 
Keep on tamping that’s the one thing left for you. — 
Gandy dancers must now pass a physical examination (Don’t jump to conclusions!) only the tamping foot is examined. Four months of 10-hour tamping can be done in five 8 hour-months. 

“Money answereth all things.” Let’s put it another way: Fruitage of labor answereth all things. Among the securities left by William Allan Pinkerton, the world-famous detectif, were 3,000 shares of worthless mining stock— Evidently William Allan was a better bully than a detective. Harry K. Thaw’s estate, since he became insane, has grown from $100,000 to $2,000,000— I’ve a good mind to sue “my old man” for damages for his failure to bring me up— a half-wit. 
Did I ever have an original thought? guy asks. Naw, all mine come from a litter . . . 
Now in conclusion, let me announce (and it is a pleasure) the consolidation of the Association of Commerce, the Commercial Club and the Merchants Association into one organization to be known as (Joliet) Chamber of Commerce— all three organizations expired painlessly to make room for the boss’ one big union — a case of three souls with but a ONE thought. 
T-b. S.