﻿T-BONE SLIM DISCUSSES SUMMING UP 
 
For the Tired Reader and 3 Souls with ONE Thought. 
A timely warning: If your girl is not “to home” when you call do not end it all —She may be attending a business meeting of her I. U. “Business before pleasure,” you know. 

We are inclined to say “look how fast we go compared to 100 years ago”; instead we should say, how slow they were compared to the slowness of today— A locomotive and airship are “an improvement on the stilt and crutch idea.” — By the way of no harm: The “Centipede” locomotive, largest in the world, Erie R. R., tractive power 160,000 lbs., length 105 ft., weight 853,050 lbs., is capable of hauling 641 loaded freight cars equal to a train 4 1-2 miles long, weighing 90,000,000 lbs. Thirty years ago the same engineer (with a different fireman) hauled 3,000,000 lbs. —his efficiency has been increased 30-fold, yet his pay has increased only fold and half (or less) 3,000,000 lbs. have been added to his train yearly. 

In China they strive to “improve the wisdom of their countrymen”: in America we are content with “dispelling ignorance”— ‘Tis a brave nation that admits its ignorance— (especially, when the facts seem to warrant it) But . . there is . . such a thing . . as . . calling a hoy “bad” once too often— Our most successful crooks were once daily drilled “that they were bad boys”; (i. e., “you wouldn’t have bumped your head if you wasn’t a bad boy.”) And the suckers believed it! 
The movie audiences’ psychology has been profoundly stirred by the movie boycott. Respectable people now seldom attend these seances, and, as a result, many movie queens are seeking return engagements with F. W. Woolworth Co. — Many cowboys too will try a “speaking part” on a “fisheyed-extra-gang-foreman” —Salvation Army will “find friends for ‘em,” and lay extra covers . . next Thanksgiving. Even “stars” were caught in arrears for back rent, to their ex-wives. Alimony, to be sure. Sure. Certainly. 

Our demands follow: Time and a half for eating bull-beef.