﻿T-BONE SLIM DISCUSSES ALL KINDS OF CRIME 
 
Three billion dollars ($3,000,000,000) is the cost of “financial crimes” reports the American Institute of Accountants. Fake stocks, fraudulent credits and honest to goodness “thefts” are mentioned. 
Public pays for the hull smear “so,” you see, “about six cents (0.06) out of every $1 an American earns is taken from him as a toll of crookedness. 
Uh uh. Just a little light-propaganda to keep your mind off the 74 cents your employer takes from every $1 you produce! Three billions for “finance.” More billions for theft of property. Still more for petty dishonesty—short weight, narrow ton, shallow quart and “frail” service and other forms of chance or skill with equal grace without a frill.  
He says: “Why not teach, in the schools, honesty as an exact science, more profitable than crookedness?” 
He, he. hee! (I always laugh “that away.”) How are you going to prove it. 
You’ve just now proven that “one twentieth of our income is stolen— my figures show “four-fifths” that you do not get —even at your figures the “few” stealing “fifths” from the “many” will soon get rich. Surely you don’t argue that half the people are thieves, surely you don’t? 
Just how, in the face of these figures, will you go about proving that honesty, as an exact science, is more profitable than crookedness? 
Or do you merely suggest that it be taught in our schools regardless of whether it can be proven or not—just “parrot” to the kids that honesty is the best get-rich -quicker scheme? Don’t you think that a little proof should go with the education —in case the children grow suspicious? 
For instance, our geography lesson is: If Gauntbummery and Darb purchase jack-knives in Germany for 9 cts. apiece and sell them, in United State of America for $1.65 a throw, what would be the most direct road from Chicago to Jerusalem and how soon would this form of honesty prove more profitable than crookedness? Remember, these kids will want to know, and we will be expected to prove, for instance, that if a dealer buys a pair of shoes from, the penitentiary for $1.29 and sells them to a Christian for $4.78 he is using the exact science that is bound to be more profitable than “down-right” crookedness— “upright” is right! 
Here we’ve got $3,000,000,00 that is swiped from us every year; only a few thousand people swipe it— even if 100,000 people swiped it, it would make $30,000 apiece for them. Now, how in the world can we prove to the children that these are losing money, that honesty would pay them more than $30,000 a year? Exact science, . . . we better get not too exact, lest we become as liars. I’m afraid “exact science of honesty” won’t work and a school teacher trying it would spend the rest of his stay in a state penitentiary. A little camouflage goes a long way . . . you know, eh! — But we are losing more than three billion dollars per year—I won’t discuss it. It only makes it worse. I’m an honest man and I don’t want to, will not, haven’t, and do not advocate dishonesty—being not a howling success, in my chosen field, I have no, right to ask crooks to reform; that is, not until we get “this” figured out. 
You say “one twentieth of our wealth is stolen from us” and you say “it takes no Einstein to figure it out.” What’s Einstein got to do with it? What did he ever steal? As a “great mathematician” where does he enter in this arrangement? Three billion dollars reveral times, are stolen from the public per annum. The thieves grow rich and their victims grow poor. Their victims are honest— the thieves ain’t so particular . . . Now how are we to prove honesty as anything but an exact science in how to get poor, and trust to luck to keep out of jail? It can’t be done, successfully. 
You can’t steal the children’s milk and teach honesty to them at the same time. You can’t rob a chld of its clothes and shoes and expect the child to believe your doctrine in honesty. You can’t rob him, by denying him food and shelter, and expect him to believe in you as a saint and in your unproved assertions that honesty is more profitable than crookedness— it’s too much like cutting a man’s throat and, at the same time, whispering in his ear “I love you.” He’s liable to doubt your word and request you to take a few stitches—in them cuts you made. 
No, kid, you can’t steal a man’s shirt, wear it right in front of him, and expect him to take to heart your remarks about honesty—you know Gabe, people are beginning to conform with the capitalists system more and more, day by day A nation divided will fall. A society half honest and half crooked cannot live. We must choose. We all shall be crooks, or none shall be crooks. Choose. We all shall be honest or none shall be honest. Choose! Part crooks and part saints won’t work. United we Stand. 	T-b. S. 
P. S.—Personally I’m a supporter of honesty—I’m with the majority and majority is honest, though busted. My reasons for being honest are as follows: 
First: I’m too old to take up new theories. 
Second: I’m too stiff and clumsy to steal well. 
Third: I’m too slow of foot to get away with the plunder. 
Fouth: I’m pejudiced against legalized stealing—not being a hypocrite—I’d rather be broke and honest. 
Honesty, the exact science! 
He, he, hee! (I always laugh that away.) T-b. S.