﻿Hearstaches 
 
(A la Carter Whizbrane) 
The Last Minute Photos has this to say about Jack Dempsey: “A lowly miner before he started fighting, Dempsey is a coal baron now. He’s invested his savings in coal and owns large mines in Utah. . . .” 
A “lowly” miner? H’m, “a lowly miner.” He must have been. 
Let’s see, have I got it right—first he earned his living as a “lowly” miner; then accepted donations from his audiences. Then he saved and invested in coal lands; blossomed forth (from a “lowly” miner) to a “highly” respected exploiter of miners. 

Which is more honorable, earning your living as a “lowly” miner, or having a hundred livings earned for you (as a baron) by lowly” miners? 
Before this, I thought well of Dempsey. He was my idol. I gloried his exploits—when he knocked out Carpentier I celebrated six weeks, shaking hands with all my enemies. Alas! Now I think the “Last Minute Photos” obituary should have read: A respected miner before he started fighting, Dempsey turned into a coal baron. 
But believe me, the Baron “kin” fight.— 
(T-bone Slim). 

SCHENECTADY, N. Y., May 17.— Employes of the S’nectady Railway Company (nobody else’s) went on strike. All locals and interurbans tied up. Schenectady is that wonderful “home” of the General Electric Company, second only to a German concern. Its thousands of workers are dissatisfied. 

Dixie, too, may have to “rebuild” the cabin roofs if it wants the support of the colored workers. 

“Log rafts with more than 5,000,000 feet of timber in them are towed from Astoria to San Diego, on the coast.” I should think they would drag easier in the water. 

Credit where credit’s due. 

Secretary Mellon, President Harding and various members of the cabinet and national administration (let us not forget Hoover, deah old Erb) are entitled to a word of appreciation and approval for such handling of the nation’s finances as has brought forth the official prediction of a surplus of more than $125,000,000 for the present fisical year— that is, $125,000,000 more was collected than needed. 

Next year each man, woman and child need be taxed only 448 dollars and 85 cents, instead of the customary $450. $1.15 saved is a dollar three jits earned. 

According to carefully compiled statistics, more than 100,000,000 people are suffering from capitalism (whether they know it or not). —I compiled the figures myself. — Industrial Unionism is the remedy. 

General Construction (worker) Contractor Walsh died in 1916, worth $12,000,000. 

Craft unions compared to a One Big Union is a bunch of hand-cars trying to outrun an excursion train. The picnic will be over when they get there. 

How it must tickle the boss to be called the dominant class. If he’s dominant then I’m a domino. 

Illinois Steel and International Harvest co. are shipping Mexicans into their works. The other day they got 500 apiece from Mexico. But the funny part is that most of them carried red cards. The Mexicans are progressive people. 

Are you “all in” by six o’clock? 

Use O’Sullivan’s heels; cat yeast cakes by the stack; inhale Bullock’s Bran; bathe in a mud puddle; sleep on a way-snagles-spring; drink loco-ola; do everything but organize. Have you tried Nujol, freezol, twojol and greasol. Try them; then Rex-ell, Pretz-ell and then go to Caulifornia for Reel-ell— Reelart. There they have no compunction. (It’s all gall). 

Remember way back in ‘14 when the grand Klook, was “moidered” in Sarajevo—how the Associated Purr-css came near jumping through its collar? Since then it has been demanding preparations, reparations, damaities and ordinary rations. This too in the face of the fact that Hoover had let up on us only recently. 

Even today some papers are bewailing the fact that that over 30,000,000 men ran into bullets in the last war, which is still going on in a nice quiet way. That’s nothing, gentlemen, let me assure you; 30,000,000 out of a thousand million. A mere bagatelle. When humans kill humans ‘tis folly to be sparing. Why not kill all and be done with it, if you insist on murder. What is life that people should cling to, even while they exterminate its duplicate? 

There will be be wars, and warlike rules, 
While folk persist in acting fools; 
Until they in one union joined 
Retake the wealth from them purloined”. 
— (T-bone Slim). 
P.S.—Chicago a skyscraper with a built-in church in connection. The idea is to have religion handy to the thousands of slaves working therein. It is figured that a little gospel (during dinner hour) is more nourishing than a like amount of milk chocolates. sort of Pulpit in a bunkhouse.