﻿Kute Kapitalist Korts 
 
“You are accused of being an agitator; I how do you plead?” 
“Not guilty, your worship.” 
(Call the first witness in offense). “Mr. Skinflint, will you give the court the facts in this case. We do not wish to pass sentence upon him without some show of jurisprudence. Are you an employer of labor?” “I am, your worship, and this man entered my employment voluntarily with malice aforethought; but no sooner had he become a participant in the emoluments I am in the habit of disbursing, than he most feloniously began agitating for a strike and succeeded in contaminating my entire force with the damnable principles of industrial unionism, and deprived me of the cooperation of labor, in the pursuit of happiness for myself and family. That’s about all, your worship.” 
“Sit down, Mr. Skinflint, that’s enough. Prisoner at the bar, young man, what have you to say why sentence of death should not be pronounced upon you according to Hoyle?” 
“Judge, your honor, I am innocent; I have done no agitating. The wages were small, the conditions were rotten, and I went on strike. But, judge your honor, it was a one man strike. I am the only man he employs.” 
“Young man, it makes no difference whether you persuaded one man to strike, or a million men; you are guilty and I hereby sentence you from one to forty-seven years on the rock pile. And, as millions who now live will never die, I order the sentence to run concurrently, on a sliding scale. Call the next case.”— (T-Bone Slim).