﻿“Scrap Irony”   
 
Have you received your job —yet? 

It is rumored that women are “redder” than men—watch your step, ladies. The sublime court is liable to declare your vote unconstitutional. 

Workmen are averse to buying automobiles, because: When car stands in front of a house, astute “bulls” suspect house of being a blind pig or a candy store. 

Panics do not “just happen”. They are made in U. S. A. 

Panics are not made for the sole purpose of readjusting our wages in two. Oh, no. Nor to make “beggars” of men. I should say not! Of course, if you “happen” to become a “beggar” it gives the “master” a chance to practice “charity”. It does him good— eases his conscience— harms no one and fools nobody. 
Let us not become hungry, what ever we do. 

When Mr. Millionbuck is robbed of two dollars and thirty cents, the paper says, Mr. Millionbuck, the noted financier and philanthropist of Riverside Rollway was robbed, etc. 
When Mr. John Commonslave is robbed of his life’s-earnings, that same paper says: 
J. Commonslave was held up and relieved of his money. Seems to me the Trib. is sabotaging commonslave. 

A Laplander’s aim is accurate, only in proportion to the degree of his hunger. Nerves and eyesight have nothing to do with it. 

A Laplander never misses a bird before dinner. 

Slave nature, the world over, is about the same. They all rebel when sufficiently oppressed. 

“Communism of masters” consist of a system where by slaves “throw” their “mite” into masters pile. 

‘Tis worry that kills. That is why there are remarkably few deaths in the capitalist class. Seems to me “worry” is slaughtering the wrong bunch. This is something to worry over! 

During these Ding hard times it is necessary a man “look” twice as hungry as he really is, (in order to be fed.) An imprint of poverty must form upon his face as a mute witness of the supremacy of mind over matter— will over energy. And, therefore, we have the paradox of a weak looking man, with a strong looking voice, asking for bread. 

The Duluth “free employment” office has been moved on a hill. Only the most robust men are able to reach this altitude (weakings are unable to make the grade). The masters have, seemingly, stumbled on Darwin’s theory of “Natural selection,” which carries with it the law “Survival of the fittest”. 

May 15th (Special to Sol.).—The present winter (in Duluth) is the mildest we’ve had for several months. There was an actual thaw yesterday; it rained icicles. 

Duluth is a sort of employers’ Eden—paradise for parasites— its too cold for slaves to stop working. 

If you don’t rise up to battle; 
Your old bones may start to rattle 
And you’ll be like starving cattle. 
— thoroughly domesticated. 
by T bone Slim.